| The 1969 film is all about “tunnel warfare.” |
Pity the Israel Defense Forces, who are being asked to fight in what is arguably the most dangerous terrain on Earth. And I do mean “in” the terrain. The Israel-Hamas War of 2023 is likely to go down as being the mother of all asymmetrical engagements, taking that title away from America’s 1983 invasion of Grenada. (Reminder: America won that one.)
But while Grenada was asymmetrical warfare—“asymmetrical” meaning one side was far more powerful than the other— it wasn’t especially difficult for the stronger force. A bucolic Caribbean Island, not that far from Miami, was child’s play for U.S. Marines, who attacked with paratroopers, helicopters, and WW2-style assaults on beaches. It was over in a long weekend, which is how wars should always be fought, but rarely are.
Obviously the United States had overwhelming military superiority compared to the armed forces of Grenada. And the IDF has similar military superiority over the Hamas terrorist army, which so far has been victorious only against grandmothers, children, and infants.
What military resources does Hamas have, to make them so successful against infants and the elderly?
- AK-47 rifles (a terrorist’s favorite gun, because it looks scary with that banana-style magazine which makes Leftist university professors in America faint in horror.)
- Ski masks, so no one can tell who the combatants are, and they can later merge back into the civilian population and effectively disappear. (I’m pretty sure John Wayne never wore a ski mask in the 1949 film “Sands of Iwo Jima.”)
- Home-made missiles, built from confiscated Gaza plumbing infrastructure (“Sorry, Gazians, no fresh water for you, we need these pipes to build rockets to shoot at Israeli grandmothers!”), of which a full third fail to work properly and fall back and explode inside Gaza itself—like the one that fell on that hospital. Oops!
Wait, how can Hamas pose any challenge whatsoever to one of the most modern, well-trained, and well-equipped military forces in the world, the IDF?
Aha, because they’ve got one thing that’s designed to stymie a modern, well-equipped army. They’ve got TUNNELS!
Wait, how can you use tunnels, to stop…tanks?
Here’s how. You (the bad guys) hide in the tunnels, and turn those tunnels into a labyrinth of death for anyone trying to invade the underground network of passageways. Imagine how easy it is to set booby traps of various kinds to kill invading forces. Imagine how difficult it is to move through tunnels, with an army that can only go in, single-file. Or put another way, imagine how difficult it is to get a 12-foot-wide Main Battle Tank inside a three-foot wide tunnel.
And unless the invading army can find a way to clear out those tunnels, without its own soldiers getting killed in the process by booby-traps, it’s effectively stymied.
[Insert graphic of remorseful Grenadian soldier, scratching his chin, thinking “Damn, WE should have built tunnels. THAT would have stopped America!”]
There’s probably no better military force in the world, when it comes to waging tunnel warfare, than the Israelis. But Hamas is now estimated to have built over three-hundred MILES of tunnel networks. How the heck does even Israel deal with Gaza’s version of the Beaches at Normandy?
Well, I can think of two experts who might know the answer: actors Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood.
Why are they experts in tunnel warfare?
Because they starred in what is arguably the best Broadway musical ever to be made into a movie: 1969’s “Paint Your Wagon.” And that movie features, above all things, a network of tunnels built under a city. Sound familiar? You bet.
Now the plot in Paint Your Wagon wasn’t about how to defeat terrorists hiding in tunnels. But it did show how to defeat tunnels themselves: collapse them. The ending climax scene in Paint Your Wagon shows all the tunnels finally caving in and being destroyed.
And that’s the key for the Israel Defense Forces. Don’t go IN those tunnels. Collapse them. And this is precisely what tunnel experts are now recommending the IDF do. (See article.)
The key to winning assymetrical warfare, when you’re the more powerful army, is to deprive the other guys of their assymetrical tricks. Don’t fight the war on their terms, fight it on yours. In this case, that means don’t enter the tunnels and fight how Hamas wants to fight. Collapse the tunnels and bury the terrorists underground.
Yes, hostages may die, and that’s awful. But does anyone think Hamas is going to allow Israel Defense Forces to rescue hostages? No, the moment the hostages are on the verge of being rescued, Hamas will kill them. Why wouldn’t they? So, absent a miracle—and I don’t see any on the horizon—the hostages simply can’t be rescued. Which means they can’t be considered a factor from a military strategy perspective.
And by the way, if the IDF did allow them to be a factor, that would do nothing so much as encourage more hostage taking in the future. Better to prove—once and for all—that hostage-taking offers no protection. When that’s made clear, hostage-taking will cease.
So here’s my advice, Israel Defense Forces. In addition to other types of training, make sure all your combat troops have seen the movie: “Paint Your Wagon.”
And then send them into Gaza with a clear mission.
Jacques Voorhees 